Starbucks...sly competition outwits the leading java King. Gotcha!

Everyone was pretty much astounded this past week when Starbucks closed their doors mid-afternoon - posted an ominous sign on the door that said "Closed for Training" - and proceeded to leave their caffeine-deprived clients twistin' in the wind.

How dare they!

Seemed like such an oddball thing to do - or just maybe - it was a clever ploy to attract some attention at a time when the top bean in the java industry saw sales slipping through their fingers in recent days?

Sure worked.

I mean, didn't the little foray into the loopy world of uncertainty end up on the evening news, summarily landing 'em a lot of free publicity nationally?

Deny someone their fix and just see what's bound to happen!

Yup, the sly competition down the street one-upped 'em.

That "other place" posted a sign in their window, in eye-catching bold-faced type, which simply read:

"Try us. We're Trained already."

Ouch!

Yummie!

Total Lunar Eclipse February 20, 2008

Yves Saint Laurent...Fashion 2008

will.i.am...music video; Obama! Obama!

Los Angeles Times...going Tabloid, to whip up sales??? Zell, command!

Samuel Zell, the head of a raft of reputable newspapers across the country, raised some eyebrows in the newsroom in recent days, when he noted that he "didn't mind if employees watched pornography while at work", as long as the titillating foray into the realms of carnal knowledge didn't interfere with productivity.

A bit of tawdry flesh and graphic simulated sex generally engenders a much-needed boost in these quarters sure to jump-start the day, so I applaud the guy (yeah, right; and, I have swamp land in Florida you may be interested in acquiring, too).

Apparently, the newly-installed top dog at Tribune had a surprising request on the heels of this office memo,

"If any of you find any good (porn) sites, let me know..."

Ah, it's always encouraging to learn the boss is a horn dog; it's so much easier to fathom a way to fast track up the career ladder, ya know?

Personally, I'm not about to share any of my "pleasure product"; after all, those endless late-night searches - googling a little here, probing a little there - are sexually strenuous, downright exhausting, at times.

Forget about sloppy seconds, too - Sam!

Zell's ideas about how to inspire and spark worker motivation are novel, as well.

According to reports from prudish employees eye-witness to events, the whip-snapping print King actually facilitated salty language in a zesty effort to "shake things up" at the office.

A complacency had set in, argued Zell, so it was time to stir the pot - passion on all fronts, eh?

But management fired a subtle warning shot across his bow, and subsequently, may have taken the wind out of his sails.

"Sam (Zell) is a force of nature, but we still have expectations at times as to what is correct in the workplace," a rep asserted.

The impression one gets? Zell is pretty cheesy, alright; out of line, perhaps.

The staff are wisely establishing a "paper trail".

One writer alleged - "they laughed off" - Zell's lusty remarks. "...our bigger concerns are about jobs," he pointedly added.

Zell obviously expects "the sensualizing up" be reflected in the column inches - and ultimately - to impact the revenue logs, as well.

Otherwise, a handful may be "out of ink" at the Tribune, shown the door.

On the horizon at Zell's Inferno?

Right now, Zell is not impressed with the status quo.

In fact, when a reporter asked the company "fireman" to expound on his ideas about journalism and the view points he sought to put across, he allegedly responded by swearing at the startled innocent.

However, Zell had no qualms putting forth the notion that revenue in the specific area of the "Gentleman's Club" arena, be plumbed with virile vigor.

To add a splash of imagery to the discussion, he allegedly tossed in some slang terms relating to female anatomy, to hammer home the idea.

Well, men are visual, aren't they?

With the trend towards tabloid journalism, and snippets of McNews - USA Today Style - one can only imagine what awaits between the turn of the phrase.

Page 3 girly shots along the lines of the Fleet Street Rags?

You betcha, if it will Zell - er - sell!

Penelope...Reese Witherspoon release, resonates on deeper level!

Well, I dickered about posting on "Penelope" - the new release from Summit - which premiered last night at the Landmark Theatre in West Los Angeles.

On the surface, the idea is offensive.

A baby girl is born with a "pig face" arising from an age-old curse.

In an intriguing scenario, stringent conditions must be met by a descendant of the bloodline before the spell can be lifted.

For the most part, the feature tends to focus on the shame of the stigma that has been thrust upon the well-positioned upper crust family in the community at large.

In this sort-of - "black comedy" - the producers have devoted an inordinate amount of screen footage beholden to the bold-faced efforts of the parents to shield - hide? - their sensitive daughter from the prying eyes of a society they perceive as cruel and heartless.

Tasteless piggy jokes abound amid a round of endless off-the-wall sight gags - which, at times - repulse. Although the better judgment of the audience tends to lean on the side of caution with regard to such repugnant material - at times, the theatre-goer can't help but emit a jittery giggle or loud guffaw - such is the power of the story-telling devices here which compel a reaction.

The tale tends to be - quite simply - superficial, silly, and earnestly off-beat. In a nutshell, Penelope is a commercially-focused Hollywood piece of crap.

It appears that on a basic level, the filmmakers are not only "pooh-poohing" the exaltation of physical beauty by sentient beings in the civilized classes - but, in particular - are pointing the finger at those unsavory few who pine for it ad nauseam in our decidedly hedonistic society.

The tale of "Penelope" - albeit here, slightly twisted - is rooted in Ancient Lore.

In fact, in Homer's - Odyssey - Penélopê was the faithful wife of Odysseus who kept her suitors at bay in his long absence until she is rejoined with him at last. The name has been associated with faithfulness; so clearly, Summit's production is a facet lethally-laced with poetic license.

On a more insightful second glance, "Penelope" is essentially a cautionary tale with an underlying notion that resonates: peer beyond the surface, don't second guess people, and - most importantly - be faithful to and accept yourself.

The truth will set you free.


The Vatican Penelope
A Roman marble copy of an Early Classical 6th-century Greek sculpture.

Moscow Chill...entertaining low-budget film! Norman Reedus charms!

As far as low-budget films go - "Moscow Chill" - is a stunner.

Hollywood should sit up and take notice.

For a cool million, the producers have turned out a delightful little popcorn movie.

A lot of the credit goes to the charismatic young lead actor, Norman Reedus (co-star American Gangster).

But, there are three stars in the film - shot in Russia - Reedus, the cinematographer, and a circus bear.

At a Q & A in Beverly Hills - director Chris Solimine held the audience in his thrall - with a couple of hilarious production tidbits.

For example, he laughingly recalled that when the circus bear first signed on the dotted line, the wranglers assured the crew that "Misha" would behave.

For good measure, they were promised a security detail would be on hand, to ensure a smooth lensing of the scenes without mishap.

"Empty promises. They lied," blurted out the good-hearted auteur.

In fact, one day the bear escaped from the cage and trotted down an old country road, with distressed crew members in hot pursuit.

The end result?

There were a few costly shooting delays and a migraine headache or two to boot.

To make matters worse, Mr. Solimine was bitten by a dog (featured in the film); subsequently, the filmmaker was in constant fear he'd wake up one fine morning with a nasty bout of rabies and foaming at the mouth.

Lead actor - Reedus - did not manage to stay out of harm's way either.

One wild and crazy night - when he sauntered out on-the-town to take in some local color - he got more than he bargained for, too.

After a gang of corrupt police officers caught Reedus pi**ing in the street - they proceeded to "toss him" in a Datsun - and relieve him of the meager twelve bucks in his wallet.

"It was worth it. 'Cause, I filmed the whole thing on my cell," he chortled to amused theatre-goers out to support the film.

Heh, has that precious footage ever been aired on YouTube?

Perhaps the funniest incident occurred when the prop master was forced to admit a gun to be used in a key scene was not brought to the location that day.

When the production teamed approached an on-duty police officer about offering up his firearm as a substitute to bag the shot - an official started to argue point-blank that it was illegal for a Russian to surrender his gun.

A fellow officer standing nearby - shrugged - and handed over his gun without any qualms.

Yup, it appears that folks are enamored of the movie biz in Russia, too.

In fact, "Moscow Chill" was financed by the Russian Government.

No doubt - they'll realize a tidy return on the savvy investment - Studio Moguls willing!

If so, it was not without some sweat and tears, though.

After all - post-production was a real b**** - according to Solimine.

On the heels of the nightmare, he had words of advice for young filmmakers, too.

"Never shoot a scene with four smokers. The shot is not only difficult to match, but negatively impacts the lighting," he warned the rapt audience.

When asked how the project came into fruition, he noted that the original script was slated for a big-budget release. But - as it wallowed in pre-production blues - the first handlers grew weary.

Film 101 stuff, eh?

When Solomine got on board, he thought a creative avenue of thought, might nudge the production forward, to green light status.

Can you make it less commercial, he queried the DP.

"I'll make it so no one comes to see it," he cackled in response.

Well, it's doubtful that will be the film's demise; after all, the cinematography is worth the price of admission, alone.

In fact, the scenes are breathtaking.

Each frame is artfully painted with a lush palette; at times rich - but gritty and down 'n dirty - when it needed to be.

There was a lot of thoughtful attention to visual detail which impressed me thoroughly, too.

And, I am a tough critic!

The set-ups were outstanding. No pedestrian shots here.

In fact, I was constantly amazed at their variety, as scenes flowed from one to the next seamlessly.

Solomine has a keen eye, is quite talented, and shows a lot of potential ripe with possibilities.

Also, Norman Reedus gave a stand-out performance.

Tough - yet vulnerable, at times - his characterization resonated in every fiber of his being.

Indeed, he has a captivating screen presence, waiting to bust out.

This kid is going places!

The plot for "Moscow Chill" is charming and believable, too.

An altruistic computer whiz uncovers the tale of Prometheus.

According to legend, the Titan - known for his wily intelligence (who stole fire from Zeus) - gave the precious gift to mortals for their daily use.

On the heels of this history lesson, the lad decides to become a modern-day version of the Ancient Greek. But, chooses a path along the lines of the Robin Hood character, who stole from the rich and gave to the poor.

In the side-splitting scene opening scene - we first encounter the naive lad manipulating keys on a computer in the back of a taxi - which causes scads of bills to fly out this way 'n that from local ATM machines around the city.

Startled passers-by - who can not believe their good fortune - rush in to snatch up the ubiquitous cash no questions asked.

Unfortunately, the Reedus character gets caught.

However - his unique skills do not escape the attention of a master criminal overseas - who hatches a plot to rescue the fresh felon with the express intention of corralling his hacking skills.

In a nutshell, he's contracted to run an embezzlement scam on a grand scale.

But, there is a lot of mayhem along the way!

Although Moscow Chill is not earth-shattering or original in concept - the independent feature does have a heart - which beats to a different drummer.

However, the film is flawed.

The script itself is a tad loose and needs to be tighter.

I expect that some judicious editing may resolve that problem if the producers are capable of standing back and giving "Moscow Chill" a realistic once-over with a discriminating eye.

There are a couple of minor production snafus, as well

In one key scene - there appeared to be some powder or chalk on the shoulder of one of the lead players - which was also distracting.

Where the heck was wardrobe?

In a turn-around shot - the offensive blotch - was nowhere to be seen.

Continuity, folks!

I giggled when I noticed a subtitle error, too.

In one prison shot, a guard makes a curious announcement over the loud speaker.

"Prisoners return to their cells."

Well - since he was addressing the prisoners directly - the commands should have read "to your cells" instead.

Picky, I know.

But if a filmmaker wants to go "Hollywood" - and play in the big leagues - he's got to get it right.

There is no distributor yet, but I expect Solomine will land one in the near future.

Until then, rely on bootleg copies, selling straight from the streets of Moscow.

Or, tune in to Moscow TV via satellite, where the little flawed gem has been broadcasting in the local market in recent months.

Theatre-goer recalled Reedus in earlier film...

Daniel Day Lewis...reveals bit**y side at Oscars; excuse me!

One more question like that...and I'll hit you with my purse!


Yup, I'm a big fan of Daniel Day Lewis.

Was pulling for the charismatic thespian to win the coveted Golden Statuette, too.

Fine actor...skilled, competent.

At the drop of a hat, it's easy to snatch a superlative from the great beyond to describe the guy's talent, wouldn't you agree?

But, I was a little taken aback by the actor's backstage behavior at the Oscar extravaganza, last Sunday eve.

When a member of the media innocently asked what he did in his spare time, he lashed out at the reporter,

"None of your f***ing business..."

Granted, he ended the surprising little hissy fit with a wicked little smile - as if to say - just kidding, fella!

Nonetheless, he gave the impression of being such a temperamental "Queen".

Until this incident, I was under the impression from screenings of his work, that he was all "man", through and through.

Obviously, not. But, it's a testament to his work that he's managed to pull off such a clever ruse to date.

In view of your vulnerability to the elements, Daniel, maybe you should stick to the scripted word?

Johann Wolfgang once pined,

"Behavior is a mirror in which every one displays his image."

Chicago 10...documentary distorts truth. Just the facts, man!

Were the protests at the 1968 Political convention headed up by a band of Yippies symbolic of the conflicts of values that characterized the late sixties?

In Chicago 10, a film screened at the California Plaza recently, a rapt audience watched in awe and disgust as the documentary of the alleged events of the 1968 Political Convention in Chicago, unfolded on the screen.

Adeptly facilitating an ambitious mix of CGI animation and archival footage, Director Brett Morgan chronicled the events surrounding the incident where protesters denied permits to demonstrate, repeatedly clashed with police, and the most vocal perpetrators - Abbie Hoffman, Jerry Rubin, and others - were prosecuted eight months after the melee, pursuant to the Anti-riot Act.

The documentary has been being billed as a parable of hope, courage, and ultimate victory.

It is far from that.

Actually, it's a cautionary tale about clashing wills, human error, and blind ambition - all rolled into one.

True, some of the images are shocking - close-up shots of cops beating on peaceful demonstrators - definitely not for the squeamish.

As the character in the film - "Cool Hand Luke" - said, "What we have here is a failure to communicate".

There were a number of glaring mistakes made on both sides.

For instance, the City of Chicago should have granted the permits; after all, denying peaceable assembly in the U.S. is un-American.

But the Chicago 8 and their merry band of followers erred too; the hapless protesters should have vacated the park at 11 p.m., and postponed the event, until the proper permits were secured from the city.

Although everyone was rooting for Hoffman - myself included - it was painfully obvious from the footage that he and Rubin acted immaturely, stupidly.

What adult or teenager is not painfully aware of the consequence of disrupting a courtroom?

None of their antics in his Honor's presence or the judicial environs contributed to the cause at all.

Yes, the Judge acted outrageously. But a complaint to the Commission on Judicial Performance, or a petition for removal from the bench - even a request for change of venue - may have been the right way to go.

Yes, Judge Hoffman (no relation to Abbie) erred, too.

Instead of denying Bobby Seale (Co-Chair of the Black Panther Party) his right to represent himself without explanation - the court would have been wiser to have followed one of two courses of action: either warn Seale about the perils of self-representation, then permitted the defendant to proceed if he elected to do so, or - taken the matter under submission, written up a legitimate ruling, citing the valid points of law, then duly noted for the record that Seale was entitled to appeal the ruling in the proper forum.

Instead, we witnessed Seale being gagged and bound to his chair after his wild, disruptive protests about rights' violations aggravated the Judge...probably one of the most shocking and blackest moments in American History.

There were a number of humorous moments in the film, too.

For instance, Allen Ginsberg appeared on the witness stand and was asked by a prosecuting attorney to explain his use of a word referred to as "um" which he used to relieve tension.

Later in the film, when the demonstrators were facing a tense situation in the march, Ginsberg is seen emoting "um" into a loudspeaker - which was hilarious.

Anyone practicing Buddhism or Yoga will confirm that the sound of "om" should be a joyous sound, one that connects with the inaudible life stream; in this instant case, it was more like an off-key drone from an old test pattern on a fifties-style black and white TV.

One viewer thought the documentary was "too gimmicky".

For example, the director used CGI animation to depict the courtroom scenes.

The effect, in my estimation, was very effective for one reason: it suggested the drama unfolding in the courtroom was cartoon-like, unreal - compared to the brute reality of the archival footage of the street - where heads were being cracked and bodies were being dragged into paddy wagons.

Another moviegoer pointed out that there were two events, actually.

First, there were the demonstrations at the 1968 Political Convention, then eight months later, the trial of the Chicago 8.

The way the footage was edited, reality was blurred - which poses the question - was this a clever manipulation by the director?

In fact, when a woman asked in the Q & A what his response was to claims that his movie was "agitprop", for the first time he squirmed in his chair, was at a loss for words, and struggled to respond.

As a character recently said in the movie "The Year of the Dog" - “guilty".

My Art Professor told me once that when you view a work of art - be it a painting, or a film - that you must first step back and determine first what it was that "washed over" you.

In this instant case, the director used his editorial control, and seductive images, to manipulate history.

Just the facts, man.

Please Note:
This review was written several months ago before the producers secured distribution. I have re-posted the item in view of the fact wide-screen release is slated for Friday, February 29th, 2008.

Hillary Clinton...losing grip; looney tunes, next?

Many faces of Eve - um - Hillary...


How a person acts under stress is not only a test of their mettle, but a good indicator of their character...

In the past week, it's been painfully obvious that wily Hillary has been on the edge, ready to topple over into oblivion.

Or, at a minimum, about to become a National Joke.

Her overall flip-flopping - from screechy emotional highs to dark sultry lows - has been negatively impacting the voters, too, no doubt. No wonder!

One starry night, the lagging Democratic candidate gushed that it was an honor to be in the race with Obama (surely she wasn't referring to the human race, was she?).

But, on the heels of that curious truce, there was an about-face. Yup, a day or two later, Bill's better half was flailing her arms about wildly and screaming like a banshee in heat. Uh-huh, Hillary's angst revved into high gear, when she stumbled across a flyer on Health Care, Obama had the audacity to breathe life into.

If that wasn't startling enough, a few surreal hours later, the Senator was traipsing about a wide stage wild-eyed at a rally, embracing the heavens, and mocking the coming of America's new Messiah.

That Dem Dame is sure losing her grip.

Hillary has pranced, writhed - literally clawed her way - in a bold-faced effort to stake her claim on the nomination; all-the-while, tryin' to fathom a way to overcome the swelling momentum of the Golden Boy from the wrong side of the tracks.

Was the color bar on the TV screen screwing up the other night, or was Senator Clinton literally turning "blue" in the face at her latest dis-organized rally?

No matter.

Why, Obama's turning into a regular Teflon Dem; after all, none of the sh** she's been hurling at the wall has managed to stick or even impact much.

Ironically, her curious conduct has landed her in deep doo-doo, too.

"Let's talk about the issues," she has cried out ad nauseam on the campaign trail, with bitterness seething deep within the cockles of her soul.

But, what has she done in reality?

Of course, the frustrated delegate monster, has meandered the other way.

Like at last night's debate, for example.

Throwing caution to the wind, she ventured off precariously on a tangent about Saturday Night Live skits; then, wondered aloud - deadpan to a stunned audience - if someone might rustle up a pillow for poor Obama.

Why, so he can snuff the life out of her?

Or, maybe she'll toss in the towel, at long last...

Hopefully, there are just a couple of rounds left in 'er, for the voters' sake.

Oh, she'll "go down", alright.

Otherwise, the Democrats will have to haul her off the campaign trail, kickin' and screamin'...right into a straight jacket, eh?

As they say at the end of a Looney Tune,

"That's all folks!"

Hillary Clinton...Bill Clinton campaign; Promo Photo

Merging of two strange bedfellow candidates...


Some pundits were quite upset yesterday when it came to their atttention that at rallies, Hillary and Bill, have been passing out buttons urging voters to plug down their votes for the "Clinton's"...as a team!

"Why," one astonished political analyst lamented, "...asking voters to cast a ballot for Mrs. Clinton is wrong. She's running in the race as Senator Clinton, after all."

Others, stand amused on the sidelines, theorizing what die-hard promoters of "change" have been predicting all along...

A vote for Senator Hillary Clinton is not a vote for change, but rather, amounts to casting a ballot for the same old same old.

You know what I mean?


Bill's favorite Hillary button...

Heidi Klum...blond bimbo babe, has chocolate fetish!

On the red carpet on Oscar Night, Billy Bush of Access Hollywood managed to snatch Heidi Klum out from under the clutches of competing newsies nearby, who were circling in for the kill...

The stunning designer dress, and the fabulous "do", were obviously a facade, 'cause when she opened her yap, her total image went amok, flew south...if you know what I mean.

Kind of a mind-shattering moment of truth, ya know?

For instance, when the cutesy media reporter noted that actor George Clooney (standing in back of the dynamic duo) was capable of filling the shoes of "Gorgeous George", her face screwed up a little at first - at which point - she quipped,

"Well, if he was dipped in Chocolate, perhaps."

In the future, just stand there, Heidi; witty doesn't work for you. In fact, the whole English language thing may be a good idea to avoid altogether, as well.

If anything, you've managed to revive the whole concept of the bodacious blond bimbo babe to perfection!

Hello, anyone home?


Klum in a skitzo moment?

Barack Obama...the first "Black Experience"; say what?

In Barack Obama's recent autobiography, he allegedly recalls the days of his youth on campus at Occidental and - lo and behold - his first "Black Experience".

Say, what?

Just what does he mean exactly?

A little rappin' in the hood? Or maybe it just amounts to...a handful of rousing Gospel moments at the local House of Worship, with the Brothers and the Sisters, in tow?

Maybe, it means just kickin' back in a sloppy undershirt and jeans, under a ripe old moon, chomping on some grits, fried chicken, and black-eyed peas?

I'm baffled...

So, with a nod and a grin to Mort's Delicatessen in San Francisco (Post; 02/17/08), I am offering a tasty bag of fresh chocolate chip cookies to the person who can best describe in - "colorful, insightful, and glorious detail" - just what, pray tell, a "Black Experience" is.

Contest Rules: be authentic!

Enthusiastic participants may either post 'em here or e mail 'em privately to:

i.julian@yahoo.com