Dancing with the Stars...Beauty & the Beast expected to nab ratings!

When the producers for Dancing with the Stars announced that they were pairing Chaz Bono with Lacey Schwimmer, I chuckled to myelff.

ABC was obviously inclined to toss caution to the wind, pitch a titillating tent, and conjure up a dazzling freak show.

Barney & Bailey all the way!

Talk about the "ewe" factor.

Although the studio brass was rubbing its hands with wicked glee over the prospect of a tribute to the 60's novelty act - Sonny & Cher - Chaz Bono burst that bubble before it got to float.

Sources have whispered in my ear that Chaz has allegedly put her sensible black show down.

Sonny & Cher's lone child has whined in no uncertain terms that she won't trip-the-light fantastic to any of her parents pop ditties.

Just betcha that Nancy Grace will dance with the devil in a big-budget dream sequence that will send ratings through the roof!

Stay posted for all the juicy updates.

Fox Rent A Car...fails to disclose contract terms! Engages in deceptive business practices! Run by ignorant losers!

Motorists have been complaining about the deceptive business practices at Fox Rent a Car.

For example, when a consumer books a vehicle online, a confirmation is e-mailed with the Reservation number.

Although the record verifies the daily rate and expected tax and surcharges, curiously, there isn't any information provided in respect to deposits, policies regarding the use of debit and/or credit cards, mileage gas charges, and-so-forth and-so-on

At this juncture, an individual should be able to fathom that Fox Rent A Car doesn't pass the smell test.

In fact, Fox Rent A Car routinely fails to disclose all the pertinent legal details of the car rental agreement until the victim saunters through the door after an exhausting 15-mile trek out to their facilities in the sweltering sun.

At this point, the tourist is usually insulted by a bumbling clerk (a frumpy Afro-American woman reeking in body odor by the name of "Dianne") who seems to think her shit doesn't stink.

One tourist complained that when he coughed up his reservation number, the dim-witted employee actually looked up from her computer screen and called him by the wrong name.

"Miss, that is not my name," the frustrated customer lamented.

Without skipping a beat, the dizzy broad retorted.

"That's your name according to our reservation records."

When the annoyed client noted that his name was correct in the onfirmation e-mail, Dianne proceeded to launch a second search which turned up results.

"Here you are."

Imagine that!

Dianne is so incompetent that she can't even locate a reservation in the Fox Rent a Car database.

She must have shit for brains, don't you think?

Meanwile, angry travellers have also whined about her lack of reasoning powers (common sense).

For instance, when a motorist noted that his trip would be one-way from Las Vegas to Los Angeles,
she quickly informed him that unless he provided proof of an intinerary for a flight out of Los Angeles, Fox Rent a Car would run a credit check.

Duh!

The customer in question was renting the vehicle to return home to Los Angeles.

There would not be any itinerary beyond Los Angeles!

Staff usually process the rental agreement without disclosing the requirement of a security deposit (exact sums required, terms, applicable penalties etc).

If a tourist produces a debit card, they are informed for the first time at the check-in desk, that a credit check will be required.

Say what?

A credit check to rent a car?

I don't think so!

The policy at Fox Rent A Car should have been disclosed at the offset when the initial Reservation confirmation was e-mailed out.

Fox Rent a Car is not only playing fast-and-loose with Consumer Rights, but willfully and wrongfully violating their clients right in the process.

Avoid Fox Rent a Car like the plague, folks!

Cher virus...pranksters infect vulernable computers!

If Tattle readers cruised to the site yesterday afternon, they were probably keenly aware that something was amiss at the site.

For example, they may have been puzzled by the fact that a post on Cher consisted of a publicity still of the Pop Diva alongside the headline caption.

Uh-huh, for some inexplicable reason, the post published without the feature story!

The news alert vanished into thin-air.

When a second attempt followed, the post landed up on the Tattler site the same way as the first.

A third try was successful, for the most part.

Curiously, there were a handful of irregularities.

For example, the first paragrapsh was published in a normal-sized font.

But, alas, all the following paragraphs appeared in such tiny print, that they were difficult to read.

Also, typos that had been corrected, were staring back at me unchanged!

The spooky twilight-zone energies persisted for about two hours.

OMG!

Later in the evening, when laptop owners (myself included) powered on, they were taken aback when a publicity still of Cher splashed across the scrren.

Had the computers had been manipulated by merry pranksters or die-hard fans?

Others so situated need not panic because the remedy is a snap.

Open up the control panel and select display.

Change the background image to one a handful of standard designs offered by windows.

And, how was your day?

STOMP...discounted tickets through October 30th! Legendary performers continue to dazzle!

My contacts at STOMP excitedly zipped off an e-mail to enlighten me about whopping ticket discounts that die-hard fans may reserve now through October.

The pricey seats - which normally command $72.50  - a pop have been discounted to $47.50.

To take advantage of the awesome deal, tattler readers are instructed to use Code AMC47.

Venue
Orpheum Theatre
2nd Avenue at 8th St.
New York

Showtimes
Tuesday - Friday 8 p.m.
Saturday - Sunday 3 p.m.

Tickets
1-800-982-2787

Cher...angrily strikes out at those with a different set of values! Pop star a control freak!

 

Deviating from the norm, Cher fired off a nasty slew of tweets lamenting negative reaction to Chaz Bono's upcoming dance assignment on Dancing with the Stars.

According to the Pop Diva , Chaz (who was born female and underwent surgery to transform into a man) has been "viciously attacked" on blogs and message boards since the new cast was announced Monday.

"This is still America right? It took guts 2 do it," Cher wrote, adding that she supports him no matter what he chooses to do.

Yes, Cher, it is.

And, like it or not, the folks you complain about have a right to their opinions too!

Some manage to express themselves a a little more elegant.

In spite of the fact many Americans still find sex-change operations freaky and unnatural, they appear to have acknowledged Chaz's right to pursue appropriate treatment - with the ultimate aim - of being at peace mind, body and soul.

When any performer steps onto the world stage, it goes without saying  that the individual is ripe for criticism.

Frankly, Ms. Goodie two-shoes, you should consider yourself blessed.

It's the nature of the beast.

Cher, grow up!
 
Has all the plastic surgery melted your brain? 

Kenny Loggins...charismatic performer takes the stage at the Cannery!

Kenny Loggins (MySpace friend) touches down in the desert oasis tomorrow to the delight of his die-hard fans

The concert - expected to sell-out - revs up at the Cannery!

While a number of his contemporaries have disappeared into the woodwook over the years, Mr. Loggins continues to "roll along" forever keen on his musical musings strutting the boards live around the country.

Break a string, Kenny!

David Arquette...quirky dancer perfect partner for Ellen DeGeneres!

When popular actor David Arquette popped up out of the hot seat on David Letterman to show off his quirkly dance moves, it struck me like a thunderbolt

The zany performer would make a perfect dance partner for Ellen DeGeneres!

Tattler readers may recall that I have kidded about the perky talk-show host's spastic dance maneuvers.

At the opening of the show when Ellen dances down the aisle she's all limbs flailing this-way-and-that.

Ellen, it looks like you're trying to shake the lead out!

The awful truth?

Between the two of them, there isn't an ounce of rhythm.

Well, you know what they say.

You either have it or 'ya don't!

Don't Look Ahead...quote by Julian Ayrs!

Don'r look ahead

Look around

Don't pine for the moments

where
you are no longer

or
wish to be

Don't look ahead

Look around

How wonderful to remember

or
to wish

These are dreams and fantasies

and,
they are fun and good

But,
do not fall prey

to standing

 still

As each precious moment
unfolds

make the most ot it

And,
the pleasures of remembering

will be greater

Julian Ayrs

Vancouver (B.C)
1972

President Obama...Uncle a fugitive residing in the U.S. illegally!

The President was a little red-faced this week when disturbing news reports about his Uncle - Onyango Obama - triiggered a media frenzy.

At least one biblical passage I am familiar with  is quite emphatic about one of the issues that has raised its ugly head

"You are not your brother's keeper."

In view of the fact the Commander-in-Chief has flipped-flopped on the escalating problem of illegal immigrants, it appears that an investigation may be required to determine if President Obama willfully hid facts and information that may establish that Barack's behind-the-scenes maneuvering  was a conflict of interest.

For example, if the President's stance on illegal immigrants was based  on the fact that relative in  his own family circle were seeking relief (legal status), he was bound to disclose and let the chips fall where they may.

At a minimum, it appears that President Obama may have acted unethically and immorally.

The matter basically hinges on two issues.

Did President Obama know that his uncle was an illegal immigrant on the lam?

If so, when did Barack first learn of the problem?
According to Law Enforcement, Onyango Obama was born in Kenya, and has been residing under the radar in Massachusetts until eratic driving back east resulted in a  DUI charge  and detention by ICE.

Life...quote by Julian Ayrs!

As

 you are

Life

is

Julian Ayrs

Chocolate Buddha

Collection Of Poems



Dr. Conrad Murray...devious legal maneuver to "humanize" physician's image!

When tabloid gossips caught sight of Dr. Conrad Murray schlepping about a local shopping mall - in a tacky hot-pink t-shirt, they just about put in a call to the fashion police.

"Well, Murray could have at least sported a white shirt (beneath a tasteful suit jacket perhaps)," one admonished, as his partners in rumor-mongering split-a-gut on the sidelines.

The quip triggered a red flag in my mind!

Of course, with the upcoming trial for manslaugher about to dramatically unfold in Los Angeles, Murray's expert defense lawyers probably urged their client to play the common Joe whenever he was out-and-about, in a deceitful effort to "humanize" Murray to the public at large.

Just betcha!

Bike Tours...picturesque day trips for $29.00! Cycling great for cardio-vascular health!

When sightseeing, a delightful way to explore quaint out-of-the-way attractions, is on a two-wheeler.

At first blush, that freeing opportunity may appear to be limited to agile outdoorsy types brimming with energy.

Not!

The  owners of "Pedal or Not" are now offering a fleet of motorized bikes that allow tourists to work up an invigorating sweat by virtue of their own pedal-power (great cardio-vascular work-out) or - in the alternative - cruise at a leisurely carefree pace by simply switching to electric power.

Specail tour rates for day excursions of Santa Monica and Venice are currently affordably discounted at $29.00.

Experience the architecture, the history, the eclectic art scene!

Experience the area's sand, surf and ocean breezes -as well as - an up-close peek at the Marion Davies Guesthouse, the Santa Monica Pier, and the Venice canals.

 All tours are 2 1/2 to 3 hours long.

Enjoy!

Lady Gaga...Ross (Jay Leno Intern) quote of the day!

The Nation's knee-jerk reaction to Lady Gaga's bizarre (misguided) attempt to introduce her tough-talking male alter-ego on stage at the MTV Video Awards day-before-last was swift and severe.

Throughout the day - the broadcast airwaves, talk shows, the internet, and gossip tabloids - were dominated with scuttlebutt ( social commentary, too) on the embarrassing debacle.

On "Chelsea Lately" - for instance - a posse of B-list comics on the cable circuit jumped into the fray with hilarious results.

In one segment, Ross (Jay Leno Intern) uttered up the quote of the day.

"Even I could play a man better than Lady GaGa," he chirped!

Dancing with the Stars...Chaz Bono, Ron Artest, Nancy Grace headline roster! It's not over 'til the fat man dances!

The celebrities (!) producers rustled up for the upcoming season of ever-popular - "Dancing with the Stars" has turned out to be a mind-boggling hodge-podge of what-if's, so-so talent, and wannabees.

With the exception of Chynna Phillips, Ricki Lake, and David Arquette.

Just betcha, after casting got two sheets to the wind one night, the dead soldiers (empties) were put to practical use in a raunchy round-or-two of spin-the-bottle to dredge up a wild card or two - with the ultimate aim - of shaking things up.

Is Chaz Bono that nimble on his feet in his sensible black shoes?

Can Ron Kardashian hold his own, or is he simply capitalizing on the family's reality-show brand?

Nancy Grace may be quick with a quip, but is the mouthy talk-show host capable of tripping-the-light fantastic on the ball-room floor?

Frankly, the image of Ms.Grace in the arms of man is way beyond the pale.

ABC brass - what the heck were you thinking - eh?

Well, you know what they say:

"It/s not over until the fat man dances!"

Stay posted for updates.

MTV Video Music Awards...Lady Gaga hogs mic! Justin Bieber strokes his "Johnson"!

Beyonce left her frizzies at home in favor of stunning cut which suited her pretty facial features, heartthrob Justin Bieber revealed a wicked dark side (is the pop star a cock tease?), and the appearance of  Lady Gaga's alter-ego on stage lacked any snap crackle or pop (her performance was downright amateurish, in fact).

For the most part, the MTV Video Music Award broadcast was a smorgasbord of sensual delights.

The hip annual event moved along at a fast clip - and by the time the curtain fell - a celebrated roster of top headlining acts had paraded across the stage.

In a pre-show one-on-one interview with his current squeeze Selena Gomez, Justin Bieber stroked his pet snake (Johnson) and raised a few eyebrows in the process.

What would Freud think?

By the way, Selena - who usually trots down the red carpet impecably attired - ended up a fashion victim last evening.

Her gothically-inspired (?) fright frock reminded me of a game we used to play in my youth.

Neighborhood kids would fold a piece of construction paper in half, then cut out sections along the crease at random.

When the paper-clipping was opened up - mirror images of each cut - ended up creating a fanciful design.

Appropriate for a child's bedroom wall, but too cute and peek-a-boo for a designer gown with serious aspirations.

Nicki Minaj's Japanese-inspired get-up also left a lot to be desired.

Probably one of the most awkward moments on stage occurred when Lady Gaga's alter-ego - Jo Calderone - presnted Britney Spears with the prestigious Michael Jackson Vanguard Award.

Britney was taken aback when Lady Gaga's odd-ball creation attempted to draw her into a passionate clinch.

Creepy!

Worse than that, Lady Gaga showed a shocking lack of taste when she contined to hog the mike (and mug for the cameras) as Britney Spears politey stood by waiting for the opportunity to deliver her acceptance speech.

At this point in her dazzling career ('til now, anyway) , it may behoove the Pop Diva to hire on a artistic director to draw in the reins now-and-then,  to ensure the talented songbird doesn't topple into the abyss.

A good time was had by all, nonetheless!





 

Ghost...weepy romance to be launched as a Broadway Musical! March 2012!

Who could ever forget that erotic scene in the blockbuster hit Ghost where actor Patrick Swayze suggestively guided Demi Moore's delicate hands up-and-down on a phallic-looking hunk of clay on a potter's wheel as the haunting theme song (Unchained Melody) swept up die-hard romantics to a weepy state of sheer ecstasy (brought some to tears) below the theatre footlights.

A tear jerker, alright.  It comes close  to "The Notebook" in that regard.

Now, word out of New York is that the well-crafted original script - which snatched up a smattering of film awards (Whoopi Goldberg nabbed an Oscar for best supporting actress for her zany portrayal of a nefarious charlatan) has been adapted for the stage in New York.

God willing, previews are slated to kick-off in New York in March 2012.

Tony Award-winner Tony Warchus will direct.

In addition to musical input by the Righteous Brothers, there will be a roster of songs by Glen Ballard and Dave Stewart (Eurythmics).

At press time there was no casting information for the much-anticipated spiritual thriller!

Stay posted!

Los Angelenos...influx of Latinos triggers nick-name!

On the heels of a news broadcast which reported that a head-count determined that 50% of the population in Los Angeles was comprised of Latinos, cynics jumped on the band-wagon and dubbed the third-world city:

Los Angelenos

A similar phenomenon occured in the Pacific Northwest a few decades ago in the wake of influx of Asian Immigrants into Canada's 3rd largest metropolis.

Locals began to jokingly refer to the city as Hongcouver.

Ouch!

As Rodney King might say in so-many-words:

Can't we get along?


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