Jaded Beverly Hills elite phased by celebrity!
Oh, it is getting a little intense being so recognizable.
On Saturday, I was on my way up Canon Drive to try out a gym, when the oddest thing happened.
It was like a scene out of a movie, actually.
As I approached a handful of outdoor cafes I felt like I was walking a gauntlet.
All eyes of the guests supping at a smattering of outdoor cafes on the tony strip appeared to be on me - and if they weren't - a companion or two would change all that in about two-seconds flat when they whispered under their breath:
"Do you know WHO that is?"
One well-coiffed socialite's jawed dropped just as a fork flew out of her bejewelled hand and clattered onto her lunch plate with such ear-piercing intensity that it silenced everyone within the perimeter for a second or two.
It was kind of like a domino effect!
As I passed a table - a multitude of prying eyes followed me on as I strolled by - then the whole phenomenon would start up again at the next table (then the next).
Frankly, in jaded Beverly Hills, I barely expected a glance!
Later, driving down Sunset, I happened to turn and look out the window and ended up eyeball-to-eyeball with a gaggle of tourists in an open tour bus in the next lane half-turned in their seats trying to get a gander up-close and personal.
But, I really felt like a soap star when I was on vacation in San Francisco recently.
Just as I stepped out of Walgreen's, I heard a little to yelp to my left and turned to check out the commotion.
At this juncture - a lady standing on the street with two friends - suddenly threw their hands to her face and gushed in a high-pitched voice.
"Oh my God, it IS him!"
Should I run?
Were they going to tear my humble threads off of my trim bod?
Unfortunately, some encounters are not so light-hearted or zaney.
The folks who just freeze on the spot when they catch sight of me - and stare - frighten me a little
The fellow who stood about twenty feet away - and jotted down information on my license plate as I was filling my gas tank up at Arco - was a little disconcerting to encounter, for instance.
A stalker - out to locate my address - perhaps?
Some people give me a sly smile as they walk by on the street.
Maybe, they're recalling a funny post that made them laugh?
Speaking of posts, as I sit here at Whole Foods on lunch break - putting finishing touches on this one - a petite young blond in the next chair keeps get closer and closer.
When I turned the laptop a little to the right to prevent her snooping, she chirped:
"Don't worry. I can't read your screen."
If she gets any closer, she'll be perched in my lap!
Right about now, as my privacy shrinks, I am inclined to offer up some advice.
Take a picture, ask for an autograph, whatever.
Then, move on, please!
Don't stand there in the street looking like you've got a piece of poop in your pants.
Or, go slightly off-kilter, as your eyes suddenly glaze over.
At that point, I imagine you're just about ready to pull out an axe and hack me to death.
On a talk show once, Paul Newman laughed about an bizarre encounter with a man in the men's room at a Hotel.
Apparently, Mr. Newman was standing at the urinal taking a whiz, when a fan next to him asked for his autograph out-of-the-blue.
The charismatic star with the remarkable blue eyes joked that he toyed with the idea of half-turning and peeing on the guy's leg!
Clerks in grocery stores and at cafes are the worst!
Pretty soon, I am going to have to order online, or starve to death.
Who was it who once said:
"Actors (and public figures) spend a lifetime trying to become famous. When they've acommplished that remarkable feat, they toss on dark sunglasses so people won't know who they are."
The nature of the beast, I guess.